


Please Don't Go

by Madibownn



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Eddie is legit best friend ever, High School, Liberal use of the name Trashmouth, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Wentworth's A+ parenting, no beta we die like losers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24745099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madibownn/pseuds/Madibownn
Summary: Richie struggles with depression and his abusive father. Supportive Losers and Confessions.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh (background), Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dragonslastarc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonslastarc/gifts).



“Get the fuck off me Trashmouth!” Eddie yells as Richie lays on top of him in the hammock. “The rule was goddamn 10 minutes!”

“Why can’t I go first then?” Richie asks casually.

“Because I got here first asshole! So get off!”

“Oh my god will you two give it a rest already?” Stan groans.

Eddie squirms as Richie settles into the hammock next to him. Eddie would never admit it but he secretly enjoys it when Richie shoves himself in the hammock next to him.

Eddie goes back to pretending to read his comic book but is completely really lost in thought. Of course the only thoughts running through his mind are about Richie. Every few minutes he glances over his comic and looks at Rich. Eddie just can’t get enough of him. The way he focuses into his comic. The way his eyebrows knit together when he’s reading. His head full of messy curls that Eddie just wants to run his fingers through. Richie glanced up and Eddie quickly returned to his comic, flipping to the next page.

The losers spend the next few hours just hanging out. Richie and Eddie in the hammock reading comics and occasionally bickering at each other. Bev, Bill, and Ben playing a game of cards. And Mike and Stan playing battleship.

“E5” Stan says with a smug grin.

“Damn!” Mike groans. “You win.”

“Yes! Three in a row!”

“Yeah yeah alright. Well it’s that time, I gotta head out.” Mike says while getting up.

“Ugh yeah I probably should too.” Ben chimes in.

Pretty soon they were all getting ready to go. Richie hesitates not wanting to go.

“Come on Rich. Time to go.” Bev calls.

“Yeah yeah I’m coming.” Richie groans.

They all make their way out and get on their bikes and begin the ride home. Slowly they all part ways until it’s just Eddie and Richie. Eddie notices Richie get unusually quiet. 

“See you tomorrow Rich.” Eddie says.

Richie startles out of whatever thought that occupied his mind and looks over at Eddie.

“See you tomorrow Eds.” He says with a small smile.

“Don’t call me that.” Eddie responds as he turns down his street.

… 

Richie’s least favorite part of the day was always coming home. As he walks up the driveway he can feel his chest tightening up and his breathing becoming slightly more difficult. This is what the feeling of being home had become after his dad started drinking. Always dreading what nightmare lies in store for him when he gets home.

As Richie trudges upstairs towards his room he starts to smell the stench of alcohol coming from his father’s room no doubt. He peeks inside and sees his dad passed out with beer cans littering his dresser and bed. Richie makes his way into his room and closes his door. He just sits there for a moment taking some deep breaths before deciding to go to bed. 

That night Richie cries himself to sleep thinking about how much he misses the way things used to be.

𝌀

Richie wakes up a little bit after 11 and gets up to get food. The Losers don’t have any plans this weekend because Bill’s relatives are visiting and Mike promised his parents he would help do some work around the house this weekend. Thus leaves Richie stuck at home hoping for a good day without incident. But of course that is too much to ask for.

“Richard!” His dad slurs as he stumbles into the kitchen. “Good morning.”

He throws his arm around Richie’s neck and lazily hugs him. His breath reeks and Richie has to help him remain on his feet.

“Morning dad.” Richie says with a forced smile.

“You know I was thinking about how I’ve not been the best parent. I haven’t been how I used to be. I was a damn good dad.”

Ugh. Richie thought. He does this every time. He plays the bad dad card and I either have to lie and tell him he’s a good dad or agree with him and deal with his wrath.

“You’re still a good dad.” Richie says. “It’s ok. Things will be ok.”

“No they won’t fucking be ok!” His dad screams. “She’s gone! Your mother left and she is never coming back. She doesn’t love you! If she loved you she would call you without me having to tell her to! You’re nothing to her! You are nothing!”

Richie pushes his father off him and runs out the front door. He gets on his bike barefoot and just rides off hearing his dad yelling in the distance for him to come back. Richie soon finds himself at the clubhouse and when he finally gets inside he just falls to the floor and cries.

“I’m nothing.” Richie mutters. “My parents don’t love me and Eddie will never love me back.”

Richie looks over and sees the pocket knife he had left in the clubhouse. He reaches over and picks it up. He opens it up and stares long and hard at the blade.

Nobody would notice if I was gone. Nobody would even care.

Richie brings the blade to his wrist. As Richie is about to cut his wrist open Eddie’s face appears in his mind. He realizes that he doesn’t want Eddie to ever find him like that. He couldn’t do that to poor little Eddie.

After maybe two hours Richie decides to go back home. Richie reaches the front door and takes a deep breath. He slowly opens the door and walks inside. He can hear the TV in the living room. Richie decides to go towards it. Richie stops in the doorway. Richie’s dad is sitting in the recliner fast asleep. Richie decides not to wake him up but instead just switches off the TV. As he is leaving the room he hears his dad stir. His dad wakes up and notices Richie.

“Hey champ.” His dad says. “You finally wake up? Haven’t seen you all morning.”

Of course. Of course he wouldn’t remember. He never does.

“Yup.” Richie replies dully. “Pretty tired I guess.”

Part of Richie wishes he remembered. He wants him to remember the terrible things he said but of course he doesn’t. No he just gets to say all the shit he wants to and not have to feel guilty about any of it.

Lucky bastard. Richie thought. I would love to just forget it all but I get to remember forever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie becomes concerned about Richie and Richie tries to hide it all.

“Bye Eddie-bear! Have a good day at school sweetie!” Eddie’s mom yells from the living room.

“Bye mom!” Eddie shouts back as he leaves the house. 

Monday morning had finally arrived after a very uneventful weekend. Eddie hops on his bike and heads to school. He is usually the first of the losers to get to school and today is no different. He stops by his locker first thing before going to the meet up spot. Pretty soon everyone has arrived, all except Richie. 

“Where’s Richie?” Eddie asks.

“Who knows. Maybe he is sleeping. Not the first time he’s been late.” Bev says.

The first bell rings interrupting their conversation. Eddie takes one last look around before heading off to class. Eddie doesn’t have any classes with Richie until after lunch and can’t stop thinking about him. He missed getting to see him before school so he is eager for lunch to arrive.

As Eddie is walking towards the Losers’ lunch table he sees that Richie is the first one there. He is about to call out to him when he notices the look on Richie’s face. He looks so… depressed. He’s just sitting there and staring at nothing, completely lost in thought.

As Eddie walks up to the table Richie looks up and sees him. And just like that it’s gone. A smile grows on Richie’s face and his eyes light up. Whatever was on his mind before is completely gone and Richie just looks so genuinely happy. Eddie’s heart stops for a moment as he takes this in. 

“Hey there Eddie Spaghetti!” Richie beams.

“Don’t call me that.” Eddie says, sitting down. “You ok Rich?”

“Never better Eds.”

Eddie is about to make a fuss about his other nickname when the other losers sit down. Maybe Eddie overreacted. Maybe Richie is ok. Richie was probably just zoning out. Eddie tells himself that that’s all it was.

...

Sitting in history class is so boring and Eddie is having a hard time focusing. He can’t stop thinking about Richie’s expression at lunch. Eddie turns and glances behind him at Richie. Richie is completely zoned out with that look on his face. He looks so sad it brakes Eddie’s heart. When class finally ends Eddie hurries over to Richie. Richie smiles at Eddie so warmly and Eddie almost dismisses the subject again. Almost.

“Hey Rich.” Eddie says cautiously. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah Eds. I’m fine.” Richie says. “Why do you keep asking?”

“You just… looked sad. I just wanted to make sure you were ok.”

Richie hesitates for a moment. His face softens for a moment and then grows dark. Suddenly Richie smiles like he remembered Eddie is still there, only the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. His eyes remain dark and sad. 

“I was probably just zoning out Eds. Nothing to worry about.” Richie says and ruffles Eddie’s hair. 

Eddie shoves Richie’s arm off him. Now Eddie is really bothered. Richie is actually trying to hide something from Eddie. How can it have taken Eddie so long to notice something is off with Richie?

“Listen Rich. You know you can’t hide anything from me right? And you know you don’t have to. Whatever it is you obviously aren’t ready to talk about it but when you are I’m here ok?” Eddie says earnestly.

This time Richie really does look surprised. 

“Y-yeah,” he croaks. “I- I know Eds. I know.”

“Ok.” Eddie sighs. He isn’t happy that Richie is hiding something but he knows pushing him won’t do any good. 

The two boys then exit the classroom and meet the rest of the group by the bikes. Today they aren’t going to the clubhouse because Bill and Stan have tests to study for and Mike has chores. Richie says his goodbyes to Eddie as they part ways and head home. Once again the awful feeling of being home sets in as Richie puts his bike away and goes inside. 

“Dad I’m home!” Richie calls out as he walks in.

No response. Richie heads upstairs and plops on his bed. After laying around for a while with his music playing Richie pulls out his homework and begins working on it. A few hours go by and he hears the front door close. Richie looks at the time and it is already past nine. Richie’s stomach growls as he realizes the only thing he had to eat today was some crackers at lunch. He walks out of his room and towards his dad's room. 

“Hey dad did you have dinner yet?” Richie asks.

“Oh hey Richard. I didn’t know you were home or I would’ve picked up something for you.” He responds.

It’s nine pm. Of course I’m home.

“Would you mind going back out and getting something?” Richie asks.

“It’s late and I have work in the morning. Just make yourself something with the food we have.”

“Ok.” 

Richie goes downstairs and opens the cupboards. Inside he finds unopened sauce bottles, a few cans of tomato paste, and some moldy bread. He walks over to the fridge and finds more sauces, salad dressing, beer, and some leftovers that have gone bad.

“Yeah dad. I’ll just make myself something with the food we don’t have.” Richie mutters to himself.

Richie struggles to fall asleep tonight. His grumbling stomach keeps him up half the night.

I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie confronts Richie

As the week has progressed Eddie keeps noticing Richie’s mood getting worse. Something is eating Richie alive and he hasn’t even said a word to Eddie about what is wrong. Eddie has his suspicions that it is Richie’s dad because although he tries to hide it Richie’s dad has always seemed a little off to Eddie. And as Richie lays in the hammock next to Eddie, not saying or doing anything other than zone out, he decides he isn't gonna wait anymore. 

“I should probably head home now.” Bev says as she stands up from the bean bag where she’d been cuddled up to Ben. 

“Me too.” Ben agrees. “Mom hates when I’m late for dinner.”

As the others start to stand up and head out Eddie grabs Richie’s shirt sleeve. 

“Go on ahead without us. We will see you tomorrow.” Eddie says.

Richie looks down at Eddie a little confused. The rest of the losers look just as lost. All except Bev who has the faintest grin.

“Alright. See you tomorrow.” she says grabbing Ben’s hand and heading out. 

Once they had all left Richie turns to face Eddie.

“What’s up Eds?” Richie asks.

“What’s been bothering you? I’ve been waiting for you to tell me what’s wrong but you haven’t told me and you’re getting worse.”

“Nothing is wrong Eds. I’m just tired lately. Too many late nights playing video games. That’s all.” Richie says as he starts to turn away.

Eddie grabs Richie’s arm and turns him back around to face him.

“That’s a lie and we both know it. Why won’t you just tell me what is going on?”

Richie pulls out of Eddie’s grasp and takes a step back. 

“Nothing is wrong Eddie! Why can’t you just drop it already?” Richie snaps. “You think you’re so smart? You think you can read my facial expressions? I’m just zoning out so leave me the hell alone already.”

Richie starts towards the exit and Eddie follows right behind him furious.

“You think I couldn’t possibly know what you’re thinking but you’re wrong! I know you Richie. I know you better than you think. You’re pushing me away because you’re afraid I might figure out what is wrong but it’s pointless because I’m pretty sure I know alre-”

Suddenly Richie spins around and slams Eddie against the wall pinning his wrists down.

“Don’t ever try to get inside my head,” Richie snarls, his grip crushing Eddie’s wrists. Richie holds Eddie there for a moment, his eyes angry and pleading. Then suddenly he loosens his grip and his eyes grow sad and he mutters, “It’s too dark for you.”

Eddie is so shocked he can’t say a word. Richie slowly pulls away from Eddie and looks away. Eddie is so desperate to help Richie but he doesn’t know how. Richie starts to turn to leave but Eddie reaches out and grabs his hand. Richie startled, looks down at their hands and then up at Eddie. Eddie opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Finally he decides words aren’t gonna work so Eddie steps forward and wraps his arms around Richie’s waist and hugs him. Richie stiffens for a second before returning Eddie’s hug. For a few minutes they just stand there in the embrace when suddenly Eddie starts to feel Richie tighten the hug and Eddie realizes that Richie has started shaking. Not only that but Richie is crying.

“Rich? Rich talk to me. Please.” Eddie pleads.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Richie whispers.

“Why are you sorry?”

“For everything. For hurting you. For pushing you away. For not being able to tell you what’s wrong.” Richie takes a shuddering breath and then mutters, “For existing.”

At that Eddie pulls back from the hug and grabs Richie by the shoulders. His eyes are all red and puffy. 

“Richard Tozier look at me.” Eddie demands.

Richie slowly raises his gaze to meet Eddie’s. 

“Don’t ever apologize for being here. You are the most amazing person I know and it just wouldn’t be the same without you.” Eddie’s voice starts to break as he begins to cry. “Please don’t ever feel like you are anything less than amazing. I think I know what’s wrong Rich. You think I don’t notice but I do. I see you. I always see you Rich.”

“I can’t do it anymore Eds. I feel like I can’t breathe all the time. At first it was just at home but it’s worse now and I just don’t want to do it anymore.”

“What’s going on at home? You can tell me.”

Richie hesitates, “It’s just… I didn’t just lose mom. I lost dad too. He’s not the same and he hates me. He blames me for mom leaving and I think I do too.”

“Richie no. It wasn’t your fault. Your mom didn’t leave because of you. And I’m sure your dad doesn’t hate you.”

“He does. I know he does. I know he hates me because he tells me he does. He gets drunk and tells me how he hates me and mom hates me and that I’m nothing. He constantly tells me how much he wants to kill himself but he can’t because of me. And…”

“And? And what Richie?”

“And I don’t blame him. I am nothing. I shouldn’t be here. If you knew everything you would hate me.”

“I could never hate you Rich, never. Why can’t you see how much I care about you?”

“It’s different. Trust me.”

“I don’t think it is.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Dammit Richie!! Why do you have to be so oblivious?!” Eddie yelled.

“Wha-”

Eddie pulls on Richie’s shirt bringing his face to his and kisses Richie. Richie freezes and Eddie pulls back. 

“I have loved you for a few years now and I’m starting to think you like me too.” Eddie says, slightly panicked. “Please tell me I’m not wrong.”

Richie stands there frozen trying to process what just happened. After a moment Eddie lets go of Richie and takes a slight step back.

“Oh god. You don’t. I- I’m sorry Richie I just thought and with everything you said I jumped to the conclusion that you did and now I’ve done that,” Eddie rambles as he begins panic chopping his hand with every word. “I’m so sorry I didn’t think and now you probably hate me or think I’m gross and you probably don’t wanna be friends anymore and I’m sorry please please don’t hate me I can leave you alone now if you want I will not bother you I am a horrible person for doing that without your consent and I am so so sorry I-”

Then Richie takes a step forward, smacking away Eddie’s panic chopping, and grabs Eddie’s face pulling him into another kiss. Richie doesn’t let this one end as quickly as the first. He holds him there and Eddie grips Richie’s shirt trying to grasp reality. 

Richie is kissing me back? Maybe I was right after all? Or maybe he is faking it?

Richie finally breaks the kiss and they both stand there for a moment breathing heavily.

“You were right. I have loved you for years. I always thought you’d hate me if you found out. I thought I’d lose you forever. You… you really like me too? For years?”

“I could never hate you Rich. And yeah. I really do like you.” Eddie says with a smile.

Richie lets out a shaky laugh and rests his forehead against Eddie’s. For a moment they both just stand there gazing into each other’s eyes letting reality fully sink in. 

“So does this mean that you’ll say yes if I ask you to be my boyfriend?” Richie asks.

“Why yes it does.” Eddies replies.

“Good. Edward Kaspbrak will you be my boyfriend?” 

“Yes I will, Richard Tozier.”

They both laugh and Richie leans down and kisses Eddie. And just for this moment, everything else is gone and all there is is Eddie.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a fanfic so please bare with me. Feedback is greatly appreciated!


End file.
